Running Late in the Morning

Jon worked on my back some this morning. Good to have a massage therapist for a husband :) Running late. but took scale pic...just to keep me real! Been off wagon since Friday and didn't do too much damage! OMG I need my toes done and need to find a razor for these legs!!! LOL

Down and Out

Ugh. Mini vacation from this blog I guess..and hell yes, I cheated. I had my class reunion, travel to Georgia, dancing, and walking all around St Mary's yesterday...so I am paying for it ...last night was really painful and I got maybe 2 hours of sleep....so woke late...didn't fix green drink. Hell I do not feel like having anything. I'm just getting through the day and laying down (hopefully). I am behind on writing stuff so under tremendous pressure because I hate to say one thing and not deliver but I need some time off ...two days. So may hibernate. Regardless, I'll get a scale shot in tonight or tomorrow...time for work shower now. Reallllllllllllllllllllllllllly tired. Zombie Dean today. :-/

RoachMan MeltDown Bingo Blowout

Yesterday started off good...I had lost weight the night before..got up drank my green drink, got on the treadmill...yes everything was hunky dory until I had a massive panic attack at work over the roach man who was dousing my work environment! I left work and proceeded to sit at my desk ...I ate nothing but some sunflower seeds at that point but when we went to Bingo...I kinda went all out. First we had fish dip with a plate of Captains Wafers (YUM)....then if that wasn't enough I washed it all down over two or three cokes (I lost count). Then we ordered a football special of fried chicken fingers doused again with coke. So I basically ate my ass off and chain coked!!!! So when you see the pics below ...you will know why I didn't manage to lose one pound  last night and it's ok. Today I"m back on it...not as strong, but back. Started off by hitting snooze on the clock due to lack of sleep and motivation this morning. Then I got up and fixed the obnoxious green drink. I don't know how you health nuts can say it tastes good. YOU ARE LYING! :) Anyway have a happy Friday ....

OH OH OH just remembered too, that at after midnight Jon was cooking eggs....so what did i do? I got up and had three eggs with ketchup!! I did drink the doo doo hot tea last night (chased by almond milk cuz I hate the taste of that stuff) but I have not pooped yet. So maybe I will lose something :) once it gets out of my guts! :) Gross I know :) 

Thursday Over The Hump

Ok so I've lost some pounds. Last night I went a little overboard though on eating. I had a green drink for breakfast....good. Then had a boiled egg for lunch...good. Then for dinner we were SUPPOSED to go to Captain D's for the grilled Tilapia for $5 ..senior day(even though we've been sneaking for two years and neither of us is senior yet..it's how you feel anyway right..isn't that what they say??) but the traffic was chaos so Jon suggested KFC $5 meal so that's where we headed and yes I got a fried chicken breast extra crispy with green beans and a biscuit I might add which I ate rubbed in honey and butter I mixed myself. Ugh. Anyway I am not discouraged because I had good tasting food and still managed a couple pounds to fall off somewhere. :) I got on the treadmill this morning for 20 minutes. I am not going to start any weight training seriously until I get some weight off....so first pounds off...then rebuild my body. I used to be stronger than most men....yes I'm serious...and now I look like a frumpy troll...but the tide's about to turn. Now if the pain would just go away. I'm still in a lot of really bad non sleepable through pain. Sucks. So hopefully tomorrow is better in that department. I'd train pain free for not losing a pound even! :) Ok time for work. Sitting on my ass for 8 hours :) yay

Barely Here

Only here for a few. Barely awake. I can't do this no sleep thang much longer or I'm going to tip the bucket if you know what I mean. Anyway, another two or three pounds over 24 hours? Crazy. I ate last night too...chips and cheese dip and coke to drink. I did make my vivofit goal for the second day in a row. We will see how today goes. I'm feeling like shit. Cheerio buggers. 

Monday Funday NOT

I really hate dieting. I hate starving. I hate walking when I'm in so much pain I could cry. And the fucking irony of having a house full of every pain medicine under the sun and not being able to take ANY of it really sucks balls. Yeah sure I can take something for the pain if I want to spend the night on the cold tile bathroom floor. Some days it's worth it but usually I just live in pain. This foot thing is really driving me nuts. It's bad enough with a fucked up back but now this left foot is really giving me fits. I have the boot ...yeah I look like a damn storm trooper from Star Wars when I wear it but it helps if it's plantar fascitis but this time I'm not so

sure that's what I'm dealing with. Of course I am one of the middle income working people so I cannot even go to the doctor to take care of myself because I have to pay for the poor people's insurance while my deductible is so high I can't even go to preventative appointments! Ok yeah I am pissed. Emotional. On my fucking period. Mad at Kevin. And I feel like shit. This was a bad day but I did manage to lose a couple pounds some where in the shit storm. Maybe tomorrow will be better. For now this is the plan: Go to work, water fast or coconut water fast if I can find some on the way to work and go right to sleep when I get home. Fuck the computer so you may not see an entry from me tomorrow night. I'm just going to Nyquil myself into oblivion. I'm still recovering from the Heath Ledger cocktail from the other night....never had it linger this long. Oh well, taking my shitty attitude to bed. Sorry for the negativity tonight but life is sucking right now for me. 

Sugar Crack Head

So I thought I'd start again and I thought I was back on the wagon but maybe I got on a space ship instead. :) I've been eating my ass off. I get down and then I really eat myself into oblivion hoping that a sugar coma will take me out of this fat sucky life I'm stuck in but damn God...he keeps me around for something. So tomorrow I'm trying something new. I'm going to go raw. I may be shitting and farting up a storm but that's what I'm going to try to do. And go to the gym and use the treadmill again as much as possible. I hate working because I literally sit on my ass. Yeah, our work isn't somewhere you can take a fifteen minute break, hell we don't even really get a lunch break....just have to wolf whatever down your face while working. It sucks. I looked up the laws and fucking Florida does not say an employer has to provide breaks or lunch. Can you imagine that? It's seriously fucked up. I may get brave and ask my boss if I can clock out everyday about 1pm and take a walk down the road just to get up and move some. What's an hour? Well, it's thirteen dollars to be exact. But hell....five hours a week would amount to a loss of $45. Can I manage that? I think so. I can even bring my bike up to work and bike some days and walk others. Maybe even bring my two ten pound dumb bells for when it's raining outside. *shrug* I'm sick of it all. I really wanted to die last night and took a lotta pills that really had me walking around like a zombie all day today ....I know better but it would be easier to just go away sometimes. People are mean. Kevin (my cowriter) is flaky on me lately and leaves me in the dark and that really pisses me off. So I'm done talking to people for a while. I'll just write my poetry and fuck around in here....Oh hang on...lemme go get a scale pic. Don't fucking be surprised if I'm topping 3 now...cuz I've been really bad. When I am depressed...I tend to forcefeed myself. I know, I need  a shrink but that's another thing my fucking job doesn't do...give us good insurance. It covers nothing but some emergency care place..yeah that's what they call our primary now since we became self insured. Fucking sucks. Ok lemme get weight. BRB. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. LOOK. God...I should just a hit man to fucking put a bullet in it. No hope for this old fat chick. I'm done. Seriously depressed now.

Nine Eleven

Back on track. The gym started a contest..Lose to Cruise. The damn thing actually started a MONTH ago but I fucked off for 30 days so now I'm back...in it to win it...I have two months compared to the others who've been good...they have three months! So I'm going to pour on some steam.

Today's shit:

Kelloggs Protein Drink
Water galore
Diet Sunkist
Boiled Egg

And it's almost 11 am. *SIGH* Hope I can do this. I need NEED NEED a vacation and love to cruise! I'll get on the scale tomorrow with a photo!

The Wagon or the Deep End?

Should I scream INTERVENTION? Or just lay here in my own pity? Ok I fell off the wagon today...not just a small tumble either, I fucking fell off and broke the wheel ok? I had a sugar attack and I don't mean I slipped and had a coca cola..I mean I've been CHAIN COKING! I'm super depressed...having finally got some antibiotics for this sore throat, I sat in my blue hot box for thirty minutes(my car without A/C) waiting on damn WalGreens to tell me if I could afford the Cipro that I had the prescription for. The fucking guy says through that telephone thing "sorry maam, we're too busy for me to tell you how much it will be, you'll have to come back in a couple hours". If I could only get a hold of that twirled up cord attached to that phone attached to his hand, I'd have jerked the little fucker through the bullet proof glass window!!

So I got in a huge fight with my husband next. Attacked the hell out of him...for some reason and some none at all! Then I got home...pouted and went back out for my medicine that was going to 'fix' me. I went to Winn Dixie and a nice Indian man said he had to have my i.d. which I'd thrown into a corner in my house (in a rage) so I had to get back into the hot box and drive home and get my id and come back. But I made friends with him and he changed my day. I got the medicine for free, too! So anyway, I won't be getting on the scale today. I will try to do better tomorrow. I did load up on prescriptions at my doctor today just in case...never know when you may need to exit stage left. So party on...and know this...I'm a crazy mean bitch when I'm off my sugar. Will it ever end? I dunno...

3's NOT ENOUGH

God, is that a joke!? Surely it must be! Only three fucking pounds since Monday? See this is just not fast enough for any gratification or feeling of success for me. If the fish ain't biting, I'm sure not going to sit and swat mosquitoes, are you? I believe most of the problem are the late night outings with my husband who loves to eat out. And again tonight...we are headed to the movies but dinner first! 

Today at work, I ate nothing. I did drink a pepsi(230 calories) but I ate nothing! I did get on the treadmill this morning before work as well...it's just so fucking hard and I'm not lazy...I'm just...impatient. 

Sabotage

Ok so I didn't get on the scale today. But I'm telling you, I'm being sabotaged! I do GREAT all day long and then I get home to a loving, sexy sweet husband who is ....READY TO GO OUT to EAT!!! Mexican two nights in a row...and besides that one meal of the day, I've done well. I will get on the scale tomorrow. 

I did get on the treadmill today for 30 minutes. Also took the doggies for a walk. They needed it as bad as I did. 

Steve(my neighbor) is such a blessing...he fixed the A/C in my little Beetle today. OMG I've been riding in a circular sauna for two months! OMG I'm in heaven now. We will see if it holds....because Keith...another saint...and my mechanic...noticed a small hole in the compressor which we sealed with JB Weld! So crossing my fingers this fixes the fliver! 

Ok I'm dead ...gotta go to bed. I'm going to read...working on a killer screenplay with my dude Kevin(the best writer of all time...no seriously he is). I am coming back full force next week if I can just get myself back in the mix. 

WTF Girl!?

WTF has happened? Yup I have ballooned back up to the almost 300 mark! Having lost 100 pounds three different times in my life, this is a bit of a discouragement. Hell, it makes me want to jump off the highest bridge, but don't worry...I'm not...I'm scared of heights! But seriously, how does a girl yoyo for her whole life? This post is going to be short because it's nearing 11 and unlike you skinny people out there that can just jump in bed and go to sleep, I toss and turn, trying to keep my spine aligned just right as to not pinch a nerve. So maybe the weight thing didn't cause my problems but right now, and I'm really not being negative but this is a list for ya:

• Depression and fatigue
• Crippling back pain/two bulging discs
• Falling arches and plantar fascitis 
• Fibromyalgia
• Chronic headaches

I guess I am just blessed to not have gotten the fat people disease list going on yet...diabetes, high blood pressure etc etc. So this will be my diary ...my rant...my bitch for the day whatever you wanna call it. And I'll keep up with eats and exercises best I can daily too. Today I ate all day and didn't exercise a bit except on the way to the car to get breakfast, lunch and dinner! Tomorrow the game is on though! Ugh. Fuck it.