The Wagon or the Deep End?

Should I scream INTERVENTION? Or just lay here in my own pity? Ok I fell off the wagon today...not just a small tumble either, I fucking fell off and broke the wheel ok? I had a sugar attack and I don't mean I slipped and had a coca cola..I mean I've been CHAIN COKING! I'm super depressed...having finally got some antibiotics for this sore throat, I sat in my blue hot box for thirty minutes(my car without A/C) waiting on damn WalGreens to tell me if I could afford the Cipro that I had the prescription for. The fucking guy says through that telephone thing "sorry maam, we're too busy for me to tell you how much it will be, you'll have to come back in a couple hours". If I could only get a hold of that twirled up cord attached to that phone attached to his hand, I'd have jerked the little fucker through the bullet proof glass window!!

So I got in a huge fight with my husband next. Attacked the hell out of him...for some reason and some none at all! Then I got home...pouted and went back out for my medicine that was going to 'fix' me. I went to Winn Dixie and a nice Indian man said he had to have my i.d. which I'd thrown into a corner in my house (in a rage) so I had to get back into the hot box and drive home and get my id and come back. But I made friends with him and he changed my day. I got the medicine for free, too! So anyway, I won't be getting on the scale today. I will try to do better tomorrow. I did load up on prescriptions at my doctor today just in case...never know when you may need to exit stage left. So party on...and know this...I'm a crazy mean bitch when I'm off my sugar. Will it ever end? I dunno...

3's NOT ENOUGH

God, is that a joke!? Surely it must be! Only three fucking pounds since Monday? See this is just not fast enough for any gratification or feeling of success for me. If the fish ain't biting, I'm sure not going to sit and swat mosquitoes, are you? I believe most of the problem are the late night outings with my husband who loves to eat out. And again tonight...we are headed to the movies but dinner first! 

Today at work, I ate nothing. I did drink a pepsi(230 calories) but I ate nothing! I did get on the treadmill this morning before work as well...it's just so fucking hard and I'm not lazy...I'm just...impatient. 

Sabotage

Ok so I didn't get on the scale today. But I'm telling you, I'm being sabotaged! I do GREAT all day long and then I get home to a loving, sexy sweet husband who is ....READY TO GO OUT to EAT!!! Mexican two nights in a row...and besides that one meal of the day, I've done well. I will get on the scale tomorrow. 

I did get on the treadmill today for 30 minutes. Also took the doggies for a walk. They needed it as bad as I did. 

Steve(my neighbor) is such a blessing...he fixed the A/C in my little Beetle today. OMG I've been riding in a circular sauna for two months! OMG I'm in heaven now. We will see if it holds....because Keith...another saint...and my mechanic...noticed a small hole in the compressor which we sealed with JB Weld! So crossing my fingers this fixes the fliver! 

Ok I'm dead ...gotta go to bed. I'm going to read...working on a killer screenplay with my dude Kevin(the best writer of all time...no seriously he is). I am coming back full force next week if I can just get myself back in the mix. 

WTF Girl!?

WTF has happened? Yup I have ballooned back up to the almost 300 mark! Having lost 100 pounds three different times in my life, this is a bit of a discouragement. Hell, it makes me want to jump off the highest bridge, but don't worry...I'm not...I'm scared of heights! But seriously, how does a girl yoyo for her whole life? This post is going to be short because it's nearing 11 and unlike you skinny people out there that can just jump in bed and go to sleep, I toss and turn, trying to keep my spine aligned just right as to not pinch a nerve. So maybe the weight thing didn't cause my problems but right now, and I'm really not being negative but this is a list for ya:

• Depression and fatigue
• Crippling back pain/two bulging discs
• Falling arches and plantar fascitis 
• Fibromyalgia
• Chronic headaches

I guess I am just blessed to not have gotten the fat people disease list going on yet...diabetes, high blood pressure etc etc. So this will be my diary ...my rant...my bitch for the day whatever you wanna call it. And I'll keep up with eats and exercises best I can daily too. Today I ate all day and didn't exercise a bit except on the way to the car to get breakfast, lunch and dinner! Tomorrow the game is on though! Ugh. Fuck it.